Feb 3, 2012

Let me?

I'm quite worthless you know.  At least that's what I feel. I put myself in this magic place in my head where everything is OK.

This place has me feeling like I am thin, beautiful, not broke & happy. Everything is good in my head place, no bad happens ....... and I am wanted. By my family.

Outside this place it's very different indeed.

It's a dark place. I am hated. I am unwanted. I am broke (although it's not about the money). I am fat.  I am far from beautiful.

And I hate myself 100%. I wanted to stop breathing last night, I knew how it would be today. I was in tears because I knew that the happiness I was feeling right then was not going to last beyond that simple thought of being happy.

Everyone else can be happy.....why not me? Why can't o fix things so it can be that way?

I don't want to be bitter, angry of sad.  I just want what everyone else gets.  What others take for granted.

Happiness, love, wanted & ......... I don't know what else.